Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

You Probably Think I'm A Dem, But I'm Not

Presidential Approval Ratings

The graph above demonstrates that 70% of the population is thrilled it's a new day in America. I assume most believe that whatever comes next can't be any worse than former President Bush. Whether or not the blame placed upon W. was fair is a different discussion, which at this point is a mute point and likely won't result in any changed minds. Dissent is one of the most patriotic duties we have as Americans.  An unquestioned administration is fatal.  In 2003, the press failed the public by either refusing to ask the questions that may have saved over 4,000 lives or demanding better justification to invade Iraq. That can't be denied and will go down in history as the American media's greatest failing of the 21st century.

I did not vote for Barack, but I'm not scared anymore. I am not terrified of President Barack Hussein Obama because he promises transparency with the media, a far cry from his predecessor who was notorious for his combative style with the press.  Thus far, his decisions have remained relatively conservative.  I fervently disagree with him on many issues, but thankful he has been able to unite the Americans who want to be united.  I hope he fulfills his promise to close Gitmo and repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Torture and discrimination are unacceptable.

As conservatives, liberals, or moderates, we are all Americans and as Americans we owe our new President the opportunity to lead before we attack.  We need to get behind this President and support him, until he earns our criticism.  We also need to keep President Obama is perspective.  His claims of hope are empty.  We can only have hope in one man, and that man died two millenniums ago.  Having hope in men only makes their failings that much more bitter.  President Obama will fail us because he is human, but until his failings are as devastating as the previous administration, President Obama has my support.

Discuss.

Ugh...

This is going to be one of those random posts with whatever I am thinking at the moment, so be warned.

If Apple did make a toilet, I would buy it. No question.  If they can make superior computers, I can't imagine what innovative creation the iPoop would be.

30 Rock was just renewed for a fourth season! All is right in the world.

This blog has become depressing, yo! You can tell when Dionne posts because she likes to write one run on sentence with "dot, dot, dot's" as she calls them. They are more commonly referred to as an ellipsis. Generally, they are used in place of omitted words or sentences.  Dionne also refuses to capitalize anything.  It is very difficult for someone like me to read text that is knowingly written incorrectly. I still love her and Margo the Mass.  However, Margo will be leaving us on the 29th.

I guess gay really is the new black on The Real World. One homosexual fellow and one bisexual transgender lady who claimed to have a fivesome might be too much, even for me.  Remember when race was the issue?  I'm not a bigot. I have several favorite lesbians. Ellen is my favorite dancing lesbian. Melissa Etheridge is my favorite singing lesbian.  Robin Roberts is my favorite morning television lesbian.  Wanda Sykes is my favorite sassy black lesbian. Lily Tomlin is my favorite lesbian from 9 to 5.  Queen Latifah is my favorite rapping lesbian on Jenny Craig.

The City is certainly no The Hills. Whitney Port should have stayed in California blinking mindlessly and open mouthed at Lauren asking vapid questions to push the story along.  Do you remember the original program The City  circa 1995-1997 on ABC Daytime?  If you don't, in 1995 Loving was restructured to The City after a serial killer murdered 3/4 of the cast. It didn't last long and The View now tapes from the studio left vacant from its cancellation.

Oh, Pelosi. Spending $825 million is not the answer, but your resignation may help.

I think I'm done for this post. I hope you enjoy my view on the world and your feedback is appreciated. 

Surgery Date Set!

Wow... everyone kept asking me after my last iron treatment if i noticed a difference and felt more energetic... really, i did not notice anything different... i did notice some change in my color, but other than that, nothing... this time, i have been able to tell a big difference! i woke up this morning and felt different... i am thinking it is what i used to feel like when i woke up in the morning... didn't feel the need to hit the snooze button even! 

went to the girl dr today to set up the surgery and get any questions answered, etc... the surgery is set for the 29th here in town... dr said i will be in the hospital at least overnight and the next day and then we will see where i am at... she was so nice and answered every question i had... it will have to be abdominal surgery and she let me know that my assumptions were correct... i will be off work 4-6 weeks... said i might feel up to some part time after 3 weeks, but not up to sitting all day until 4 or so... this will be hard for me, i want to make sure that everything is healing properly and yet know that work is going to be on my mind as well... dr said the mass is about the size of a large grapefruit... and i should notice a difference when it is removed... that was good news... on the bad news side, she said she does not think it is my monthly visit that is causing the anemia... she said it might be the mass, but she wasn't sure with the level of anemia that i have... so who knows... i guess we will have to wait for the mass to come out and see what happens then... i do have another appointment with the hematologist on the 27th for blood tests to see how the iron treatments are working, so hopefully we will get some good news then... 

please keep praying that i will be patient for the next couple weeks and NOT think about the surgery... i have a pretty active imagination and i don't want to let it get out of control... 

thanks for all the prayers... we will continue to keep you posted... 

d and d

ct scan and iron treatment number 2

so yesterday was the ct (cat) scan to make sure there is no cancer (there is not... praise the Lord)... and it was not fun... first of all they give you this stuff to drink and it is called contrast... i guess it makes your insides glow so it is easier to take pictures, etc... well... i got berry flavor (they had a choice of berry, banana, or vanilla) the taste of the contrast was not bad at all; however, the thickness left a little to be desired... in addition you have to drink two bottles of it in 30 minutes... and do it on an empty stomach, because you aren't allowed to drink or eat anything after midnight the night before... needless to say, it did not agree with me... turns out that was a good thing... the technician said that you want to make sure everything gets out of your system quickly or it will harden in your body... not sure what would happen then... :0... i go to take the cat scan and everything is going well until he says that he is going to run an IV... who knew they need to do an IV during the cat scan!! again, i am not an easy stick... and you could tell that this guys normal job is not to put IV's in... i asked him to use a pediatric needle and he let me know that he couldn't with what he was needing to do and that this needle was even bigger than normal because it had a plastic sheath on it... well... good luck!  he first attempted to put the iv on the outside of my elbow... and no brainer there, the vein was too crooked... so he resulted in one on the inside of my wrist... it was not fun and hurt the entire time... he kept bragging about what a good job he did... pretty much annoying!  it is still swollen and bruised today :( i am hoping that all this iron i am getting is going to make my veins larger and easier to get these things in!  until then, i am thankful for the nurses at st. anthony's... the dr. called with the results of the cat scan today and said that it is also showing that there is a mass in the uterus... so that was good news as well... 

today was the 2nd iron treatment at the cancer care center... things went pretty smoothly... Sherri took me this time so that i didn't accidentally fall asleep on the way home... (dang benadryl)... they got me on the first stick!  and it did not hurt!  two answers to prayer!! these ladies are trained professionals and for that i am so thankful... i am hoping during the surgery thought that they can find another spot besides my right hand... i use that for pretty much everything and it is a little hard for it to be immobilized... i was trying really hard not to move it today as the injection was right next to a nerve and every time i moved it there would be a sharp pinch in my hand... that hurt... i slept this time during the treatment and that helped... i didn't feel completely exhausted afterwards like last time... they did say that my blood pressure was a little high, but i think that was because of everything going on this week... we will see what it is at tomorrow... i also was able to get all of my reports reviewed before i left for the treatment and that was a huge answer to prayer so that i don't have to worry about working on it tonight when i am so sleepy...

only one more day until we find out the size and results and date of the surgery... hopefully then, i will get a good night's sleep... she said to bring all of my questions to the appointment tomorrow... i have a lot of them... i will keep you posted on what i find out... thanks to everyone for all the prayers and support it really means alot... 

love you!

last one

So had to wait one more week for the ultrasound and appt with the girl dr… I made it to Thursday fairly calm… all day Thursday it was all I could do to make it through to Friday and the appt…

 

This week was the first part of our year end close for 2008… this made time go by quickly… but at this point I have been waiting for some answers since Christmas Eve and I am done being patient… finally Friday came and it was time for the appt… again dusty went with me… (he is great by the way with not letting me cry or get upset or have a pity party during all of this… he keeps me laughing all the time… for this I am thankful!) girl dr is great!  Made me feel very comfortable from the beginning… (this was my first time to see her) however, the first thing she told me was that she did not have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday… this pushed me over the edge and I lost it right there in the exam room and it was not pretty… I explained to her that I had been telling myself for 3 weeks that if I was patient then I would get some answers today!  She was wonderful and set up an ultrasound for 1:15… this was a relief… she felt the same mass and also assured me it was not on my uterus… she believed it to be an ovarian cyst… she stated that it may be one of those that has teeth and hair and bones, etc… (creepy… didn’t even know that was possible!)… she said that there was a slight chance of cancer and she wanted to get a cat scan as well just to rule out anything… she did say to prepare myself for surgery by the end of January!! She also said that it would have to be abdominal surgery, we would not be able to do it laparoscopically… this would mean longer for recovery…

 

So, dusty and I needed to kill an hour… and I needed to drink 32 oz of water during that time and not empty my bladder… I guess it is easier to see everything if you have a full bladder… dusty’s comment was that I was finally going to learn to hold it (I am not good at this…) so we went to quizno’s and kohls of course to kill time… by the time we got to the ultrasound it was excruciating… we were in the waiting room and someone came out to get water from the ozarka water bottle and then someone else came out to fill the coffee pot… at this point I thought I was on candid camera I had to go so bad!! They finally called me back and it was interesting to do an ultrasound… this was my first one… the gel was nice and warm which was good… if it had been cold, I might have lost all control of the bladder right there on the table… so she puts on the machine and I guess finds the cyst right away!  She was taking snapshots all over the place… did I mention that you have a very full bladder and they are pushing hard right on it!!! It is not comfortable… also, everyone keeps asking if I am in pain and I am not unless they push on it… which was happening a lot that day! You don’t get to see the ultrasound and the tech doesn’t really tell you anything, but I was glad just to know that it was getting done and I would have some more answers on Monday…

 

I dropped dusty off and headed back to work… on the way back to work the dr assistant called to say they had scheduled the cat scan on Monday and we needed to pick up the “contrast” to drink before the scan… and she had some great news!  The cyst was not a cyst but a fibrous mass on uterus… the likelihood of cancer is very unlikely in a mass, but they still wanted to do the cat scan to make sure and to get the actual location of the mass… outside of uterus, in wall of uterus, etc… she let me know that surgery was still a necessity to remove the mass and that it would be a myectomy… this will allow us to still start a family after the mass is removed and the uterus heals up… said going forward I will have to have c-sections when we do have kids… this is okay with me… just glad kids are still in the picture… this was great news for me…

 

Went back to work (did I mention it is our end of year accounting time… needless to say all of this has been a little stressful, but work has been great!)… our accounting computer programs were down so I looked up some information on uterine fibroids… number one symptom… heavy monthly visits… leading to anemia!  This mass may be the cause of it all!!! So here’s hoping that when it comes out everything returns to normal and won’t have to do iron iv treatments much longer… I also have done a lot of internet research on the surgery as well… probably not a good idea… there are a lot of horror stories out there…

 

So now here we are… cat scan is Monday at 11:15, next iron treatment Tuesday at 1:00 and meet with girl dr on Wednesday at 10:30 to plan surgery and get more details…

 

Specific prayer requests… if you could pray for us, that would be wonderful!

 

Sleep/rest – I keep waking up and all I can think about is the unknown – waiting for Wednesday will seem like forever

 

Faith – to know that God is in control and that there is a reason for everything ( I cannot express how thankful I am to God that we have not gotten pregnant before now, or even tried to get pregnant and then had to try to deal with all of this at the same time

 

Recovery – looks like with this type of surgery I will be out of work for a minimum of 4 weeks, luckily we have FMLA paid leave and this shouldn’t be any cause for concern… I am fairly independent though and it will be hard for me to let people help, and rest and not clean and no driving for 4 weeks!  This will be hard

 

Patience – for the same reasons as above I need to have patience with my body to let it heal

 

Dusty and I – pray for us to grow closer and be patient with one another during the recovery time period… pray for him to be able to rest as well… school starts back up this week for him and things will be getting crazy again

 

Work – pray for me to not stress about missing so much work… God’s timing in amazing… up until now, I am the only person in the company that knows my job and what I do, we just added someone to our group this Thursday to start training on what I do… for a variety of reasons, but this is Gods timing I am sure…

 

We will keep you posted on what we hear… sorry for the long blogs and for not sharing what has been going on, we just really didn’t have much information to share… here’s hoping that going forward we will continue to have more details of what is going to happen… 

More

… again they send you to the cancer center but don’t want you to worry about having cancer… is that possible?? Dusty and I jumped in the car on Friday and I had no idea what the treatment would be like… well, it is not fun… you go into the room and there are about 30-40 recliners in the room and they just tell you to choose one and they will come and hook you up… the nurse came over to start the IV (here we go again)… I told her about the small needle trick and she said that is what they use and she was able to get it in on the first try!  I was so excited… they did put a heating pad on my hand to open up the veins and to keep it open after they started all the iv fluids, etc… before the treatment started they gave me a benedryl and some Tylenol… then they hook up the fluids and a steroid… after the steroid is complete, then you have to wait 30 minutes for everything to get into your system… she explained that this was to help if there was an allergic reaction to the iron… they then do a test run of a small dose to make sure you don’t have a reaction to it… I didn’t have a reaction, so we carried on with the larger dose… she brings out a very large bag that looked like they had poured coke into it… (dark syrupy liquid)… then you have to wait 2 hours for it to drip in… dusty was by my side the entire time and helped time to go by quicker… he got me some snacks as well (they have a big set up for food/drinks for the patients…) the only bad thing was that you want to sleep really bad and can’t at first because they have to make sure that you do not have a reaction… and you have to listen to the machine the entire time… gets pretty old… it was also very sad… you are in the same room where patients are coming in and getting chemo treatments and that was hard to watch… I did meet another girl that works at Chesapeake though… small world… we have been emailing back and forth since then and she has been very encouraging… the whole process took about 4 hours!!  Had no idea it would take so long… I went straight home and fell sound asleep… (got in trouble that night because dusty was worried about me because I fell asleep so quickly and tried to call me all night, but I was with best friend and the new baby J) afterwards, I could actually tell a difference in what my skin looked like and how I was feeling… the iron is making  a difference!  I have my next appt. on Tuesday for another 4 hour treatment… here’s hoping the iron had increased my blood flow and the needle will go in again on the first try… during the week of this treatment I changed my ultrasound at the girl dr to Friday January 9 instead of the 12^th… figured it was one less weekend to have to wait…

This Wont Make Sense Unless You Read The Previous Post

The News Continues…

 

So we head to the hematologist on Christmas Eve… first of all it is downtown at St. Anthony’s in the Cancer Care Center… (but that isn’t supposed to alarm you… yeah right…) I had to have a police officer escort me through the hospital because I went very unprepared (remember, I did not make the appt.) I didn’t even know the doctors name, or anything… everyone looked at me like I was crazy… well, we found the dr and before I could see him they called me into the lab to take some more blood… guess he wanted his own… I was thinking, here we go again… this nurse was so nice… (I always warn them ahead of time… sometimes this backfires, because they think they are the one nurse that is going to get me on the first stick… other times… they look and say “wow… now I see why you say that… J) I let her know that the last time they took blood they were able to get it out from my hand… so she tried here first… and about 4 tries later gave up… she moved to the middle of my arm (have never see that before) and hit a vein right away… she said to tell nurses in the future to use a pediatric needle… I need a little baby needle for my baby veins… the I got to see the nurse who preps you for the hematologist… she took all the vitals and then hands me a gown and says strip down and the opening goes to the back… (What!!! This is a blood dr… why do I need to put on a gown… I was not prepared for this!!!) the dr comes in and basically agrees with my original dr that I am extremely anemic and isn’t concerned, but says we just need to figure it out… he believed it was being caused by my very heavy monthly visit… (the blessing of being a woman…) more numbers… I had a 2% make up of red blood cells to white blood cells… and some other number was at a 1… he said most “normal” men and women were at a 300… not sure what that number was, but obviously.. mine was pretty low… my other CMV number had also gone down… so much for eating all the iron enriched foods… after he asked all of his questions and we talked about options for helping with the anemia (iron IV treatments… in next blog… and talking to the girl dr about new birth control options…) he did a full physical exam… didn’t know this was part of the process… but thankful that it was… he found a “large mass” in my lower abdomen… he said I might be really constipated… or maybe I hadn’t peed in a couple of days… I assured him this was not the case, and he said he just knew that it was not my uterus and he didn’t know what it was… he said he would order an ultrasound, but knew that my girl dr would want to have her own ultrasound and didn’t want me to have to pay for two… so… I would just wait and have the one with the girl dr… i also told him about us talking about having a family and he reiterated that it was not an option at this point… he said we would have to figure out all of this stuff first and then we could talk about family options… this was pretty devastating to hear… I came home to tell dusty and I still don’t think he understands why I was more upset about being told we couldn’t start trying to start a family than this mysterious mass in my lower abdomen… that is just something that women don’t want to hear… at anytime I think, but especially when it seemed like the timing was coming so close… I called the girl dr right away… and the first time she could get me in was Jan 12!!! I have a mass… and the earliest was Jan 12???? I called the hematologist back to make sure this wasn’t too long to wait (medically… emotionally I already knew it was too long to wait…) and he said that it would be fine, just to make sure that they did the ultrasound to see what the mass was… and to come in for the iron treatments… so again we have 3 weeks to wait… luckily Christmas was during this time and that was distracting… also my best friend had a new year’s baby and I got to spend a lot of time being distracted with this beautiful little one…

 

Next step IV iron treatments start… 

Dionne likes posting all at once

so... normally i let Dusty do all the blogging for our family... and i have been asking him to keep this out of the blog... but Friday we got some more information on what has been going on and i am planning to blog through the experience and let everyone know what is going on... i will say i do not like having to capitalize and so... everything will be in lowercase letters... 

 

all i can say is God's timing is perfect... dusty and i have been talking a lot about when is the right time to start our family... although most of you know, just in case you don't, there is a 10 year age difference between dusty and myself... this means my biological clock is now banging in my head and finishing school is still looming in dusty's future... we had been talking a lot about when is the time right and now meeting on the same page... one day i went into the bathroom at pizza hut and just prayed... i handed everything over to God involving the timing and future of our new family... i told God this is just like when i was single for all those years and hated every minute of it and that i didn't want this to be the same way... i told him i was willing to wait the 10 years for the baby as well... as long as when i had him/her that everything went smoothly and there were no complications that that everyone would be healthy and well... (for those of you that also do not know, i started praying for dusty (my husband) at 18... i had seen all my girlfriends have broken hearts and hurt by their boyfriends and i just prayed that God would not have me go through that... i had never dated anyone in high school, and that freshman year in college i prayed to God that i would not date anyone until my husband... little did i know that he was 9 at the time and that it would take us another 10 years to find each other... it was hard to be patient that long and although i kept telling God... okay now, i didn't think it was going to take this long when i prayed that... it was well worth the wait, God brought the perfect man for me into my life and 10 years is nothing compared to getting to spend eternity with him...)so... i gave the timing to God and he took it in His hands to show me why nothing has happened yet... (and i am so thankful)...

 

it all began back in late November at the end of the living well bonus program at Chesapeake where i work... (this is a program where you can get an extra bonus for working out, taking classes, etc... ) one of the requirements of the bonus is to have some blood drawn and a work-up of several results (blood pressure, cholesterol, etc...) if you do not pass all of the tests then you have to have your doctor sign off on the tests you didn't pass and give you information on how to pass them the next year... well... i had high blood pressure when i did my work-up... i do not typically have high blood pressure, but these tests always stress me out because i know they are going to take blood and i am horrible at giving blood, nothing ever comes out... i went to the doctor to have him sign off on the high blood pressure, knowing that it would not be a large concern... he agreed... however, in the 20 pages of information that you get after the tests come back he found another number that he did not like... 

 

this was my CMV number... it was at an 8... i guess the "normal" low for people would be 34... he said "did you know you are extremely anemic?" i said "nope, never heard that before"... he asked all kinds of questions and wanted to run some more blood tests... (again with the giving of blood that i am horrible at)... 7 tries later (by 3 nurses) we finally hit a vein and he was able to get the blood he needed... he called the next week to let me know that i had iron-deficiency anemia... said "you have the type of blood of someone who has been in a horrific car accident and lost massive amounts of blood and is trying to rebuild their blood supply"... this is why i have such a hard time giving blood... there is no blood pumping through the veins to make them big, which means they are hard to get into... he said for me to start taking an iron supplement and eat a big steak and we would check back in 3 months to see where we were at... i told him that dusty and i were talking about starting a family (me really, but wanted to know the information none the less :)) and he said that he would discuss things with my "girl dr" and a hematologist to see what my options were... but that there is no way i could carry a baby right now, because i am not making enough blood for myself let alone a little one... but he was encouraging that i had options... blood transfusions... etc... not really things you want to deal with when you are pregnant... 

 

i started taking the iron supplement and about 5 days later woke up with a rash all across my stomach... i called the dr and he said to stop taking the supplement and he would just have me meet directly with the hematologist to see what the next steps needed to be... they scheduled an appointment for Christmas Eve... so... three weeks to wait... not a huge deal, because i had no idea that i was anemic in the first place, so it really didn't change anything... everyone just kept asking me if i was tired... (i kept thinking i am fat and lazy... isn't everyone tired... little did i know i could have something to blame it on this whole time... ) since i couldn't take the iron supplement, i increased the iron in my diet, hoping it would help... i quit eating much red meat about 2 years ago... thinking it would be healthier to use ground turkey, chicken, etc... so i started using real hamburger meat again and found that the gas station has a lot of food high in iron... pumpkin seeds (not be be eaten with the shell still on them... ), sunflower seeds, beef jerky, cashews, etc... work was crazy during this time with year end stuff and one of the weeks we had to wait was when dusty and i were in new york, so that was a good distraction... so the three weeks came and went and on Christmas Eve i went to meet the hematologist... 

 

this will continue in the next post... no pictures yet... but now that we are going to blog about it, i will take some...

Hate Isn't The Answer, But...

I really think I hate Ann Coulter. Here is why:

"If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot." --at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much"- on 9/11 widows.

"Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole." 

"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President." 

"I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, but tonight, I'm cleaning out my closet"

BEFORE

AFTER

This is what I did today, the last Monday before the Spring semester commences. I cleaned the section of the closet Dionne leases to me. Joy Mangano and her Huggable Hangers came into my life through divinity and the Home Shopping Network and I can't believe it took me this long to convince Dionne of the awe inspiring power of hangers that are huggable. Be careful if you hug them though, they look like they can do some serious damage to a retina. They are available at Target and HSN. They double or triple your closet space.

Would you like to see what Dionne got me for Christmas? Well you can't because I'm not willing to put pictures of myself in feety pajamas on the internets. Internet is plural courtesy of the 43rd President of The United States of America. You can listen here.

Introducing...

Aniston Grace Reynolds

We waited 7 hours (others waited 9 months) for this tiny little thing to make its appearance on New Years Eve/Day. Sorry, "her"appearance. I get in trouble for referring to children as "it." Annie is cute, but kiddos are still on hold for now. At least it isn't my "fault" anymore. Quotation marks are a quick and efficient way to place emphasis on words.